So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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