worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
