Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
