Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Houston, we have a blender
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
