If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
