you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
