I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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