if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
