i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
