Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
