I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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