i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
