Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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