i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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