The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
