Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
