There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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