your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
