i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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