I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
