Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
