I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
