I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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