i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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