i think my tv is drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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