My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
