wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
