fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
