dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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