Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
