i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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