So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't deserve a penis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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