I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
