All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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