my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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