some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
