If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
