You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
