It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
