8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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