I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
