At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
