can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Found the puke drawer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
