The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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