yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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