can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love accidental penises.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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