I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
