Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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