I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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