Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
