Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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